praise the lord and good ole patsy

i confess. i have developed a tiny infatuation. a dirty little secret that would make others a bit uncomfortable. i, my friends, have found a love for southern gospel music. in fact, i am finding inspiration in a VERY tardy post, with miss patsy cline serenading me with her rendition of Just a Closer Walk with Thee. there is a certain comfort in the falsetto of the phrase ‘dear lord’ and the divine yodel of the blessed.

we can never escape our pasts and in that same fashion i can’t ignore the truly religious household in which i grew up in. the household that had daily bible study in the dusty dew light of early mornings sitting on the floor in front of the sliding glass door. my parents and grandparents piously kneeling as we recited the lords prayer in unison in Korean, then English. The lullaby of choice was Nearer my God to Thee, you could hum it, sing it, play it on the piano or mumble it, as my grandfather would as he could never remember those darn words. hands would wring in devout prayer, smiles would creep upon the faces of uncles and aunts as the word was read aloud of the salvation and grace found at the feet of our heavenly father. family reunions would commence with a 2 hour sermon by one of my many uncles, mostly pastors. And in the case of my dad’s side of the family, hymns would be sung in complete harmony.

it was, needless to say, somewhat embarrassing.

We would rent palatial cabins and break bread together, play together, share together and inevitably, worship together…in harmony. I’m guilty of the dread felt when i thought of the neighboring cabin, probably playing a riveting game of yahtzee only to perk their ears at our song and look at each other blankly thinking, “who invited the choir?”

see, i never was one of those with the steadfast conviction in christianity that led me to cry in the middle of a hymn or raise my hand and say praise the lord as the good book was read aloud. in fact, i always found it somewhat silly and facetious. I never was ‘filled with this so called spirit’.

however, in the past few days i have downloaded a handful of nostalgic southern hymns. they feel like sunday morning. i miss my family and in some small way i have found solace. i have been crawling into the melodies of old hymns that would fill the rooms of my home every sunday morning. my mother played the piano for the church for over 15 years. piano practice was every hymn of the songbook and i knew all of them. under his wings, amazing grace, closer walk with thee…they are like honey to my ears, a lyrical hug, the remedy to any bout of anger or sadness. because, although it may have not been a particular god that was comforting me, it was my lovely, wonderful, most fabulous family that sang these songs and trusted in the words that kept us all safe and continually blessed.

Songs, hymns, melodies, harmonies that envelope my heart in the warmth of a Christmas fire. and now i listen to them to feel a little closer to my loved ones who are probably humming it to themselves anyhow. i tell little miss about the moon and how all us humans live under the same one. we think about those that are comforted by the same pale glow as we sit looking upon it from the windowsill. i consider my hymns to function in the same way. as far away as i may be, it is the same songs that make us feel the love of the family that the good lord has blessed us with.  so to that i say, praise the lord.

good night my darlings.

Enjoy, the late great Patsy Cline!